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Kiedy dziecko czuje się niekochane?

Jest dowiedzione, że na całe nasze życie najbardziej wpływa historia naszego dzieciństwa. Są wśród nas ludzie dorośli, którzy gdy się głębiej zaczną nad tym zastanawiać, dochodzą do wniosku, że nie czuli się kochanymi dziećmi. Co to znaczy być niekochanym dzieckiem? 

Takie dziecko nie czuje, że się je widzi i lubi takim, jakie jest. Ma poczucie, że trzeba pasować do oczekiwań rodziców i być takie, jak sobie rodzice wyobrażają, że być powinno. Inaczej mówiąc nie może być takie, jakie jest...

NIE BIEGAJ, NIE MÓW, NIE PŁACZ,… ZNIKNIJ

To, w jaki sposób mówimy do dziecka na co dzień, przekazuje mu akceptację lub jej brak. Porozumiewanie się między rodzicami i dzieckiem odbywa się również na płaszczyźnie niewerbalnej, czyli mimiki, gestów, intencji. 

Już trzylatek potrafi zrozumieć, że jest zawadą. Dostrzega, że mamusia i tatuś rzadko się do niego uśmiechają, trudno im przychodzi mówienie miłych rzeczy, albo wcale ich nie mówią. Może przeszkadza im wszystko, co robi, więc często słyszy: nie biegaj, nie krzycz, nie mów, nie kręć się, nie płacz, nie bierz, zostaw… 

Jest w tym ukryta wiadomość dla dziecka, że jego obecność przeszkadza, że jego wszelkie przejawy życia przeszkadzają rodzicom.

AKCEPTACJA DZIECKA

Co robić? Okazywać dziecku akceptację. Bo „jest to jeden z owych prostych, ale cudownie pięknych paradoksów życia: kiedy człowiek czuje, że ten drugi akceptuje go rzeczywiście takim jakim jest, staje się niezależny i od tej chwili może zacząć się zastanawiać nad tym, jak chciałby się zmienić, jak mógłby stać się inny i zrealizować więcej z tego, do czego jest zdolny” - Thomas Gordon.

I tu znów dochodzimy do akceptacji, której być może sami nie doświadczyliśmy w dzieciństwie i nie potrafimy swojemu dziecku dać lub okazać. 

RÓŻNE ZAKRESY AKCEPTACJI

Jako rodzice mamy różne zakresy akceptacji. Nawet w stosunku do własnych dzieci: jedne akceptujemy bardziej, a inne mniej. Co sprawia, że tak jest? Na czym polegają główne różnice?

Jakim jesteś rodzicem i czy zastanawiasz się skąd się bierze twój zakres akceptacji? Dlaczego w zależności od dziecka zmienia się twoja akceptacja? I czy można z tym coś zrobić?

Praktycznych umiejętności nauczysz się podczas tego kursu. A na powyższe pytania odpowiem w następnym artykule pod tytułem: Mniej czy bardziej akceptujący rodzic?

Ps. Często ilość pracy zawodowej nie pozostawia mi czasu i siły na pisanie i publikowanie dla Was - stąd czasem przerwy. Jeśli chcesz mnie wesprzeć, aby mogło powstać więcej takich treści, możesz pomóc mi w odzyskaniu części czasu tutaj: buycoffee.to/wychowacdziecko.pl 

Barbara Dziobek 

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